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Dream of Education and Travel


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Just like everyone else, I have hopes and dreams. Like many others, I have had my heart broken in many ways and fallen on some hard times. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve done something terrible that I don’t know about. Is my bad luck due to poor choices? Is it Karma? Or is a happy life just not in the cards for me? What is God’s plan for me? I know he gives us nothing we can’t handle, but sometimes I wonder when it will end. Where is the turning point for me?

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong? Not that you don’t fit in but more like your soul belongs somewhere else? Like you just want to get up and go! That tingling feeling in your knees where they would walk to the other side of the world if they could.

It has always been my dream to travel to Europe and get an international education. It’s the first thing I think of when I wake up and it’s my final thoughts as I drift off to sleep.

A few years ago, I had all the plans in motion to leave South Africa and fly to the UK. I was saving money like crazy. Nothing could get in my way! Then my daddy was diagnosed with cancer. That was the hardest time of my life. Seeing the big, strong man, my best friend, my father, withering away, broke my heart. All my time, energy, resources and savings went into caring for my dad and my younger brother. Trips to the hospital, food and rent. Anything my father wanted or needed.

I have so much respect for people who somehow manage to survive the death of a parent. That pain in your chest, that feeling of hopelessness. You can try and sympathize, but you never know how it feels until you know. Even four years later I still have that pain, that sting in my eyes and that lump in my throat, every time I think of my dad.

After my dad passed, times were tough for my brother and me. Alone in a big city with no support system and my mom thousands of miles away in another country, we struggled to hold it together. We couldn’t pay rent, we could barely afford food and we had no transport. We weren’t homeless, I wouldn’t be so ignorant to say that we were. But we were close. Sleeping on a thin mattress on the floor of an empty house in the middle of winter is not an enjoyable experience.

Somehow, by the grace of God, we managed to survive: mentally, physically and emotionally. Like many kids of divorced parents, my brother and I vowed to always stick together, no matter what. So it was especially hard when we had to go our separate ways. We couldn’t afford a place to live together. I moved in with a friend, as did my brother. At least we were both safe, with a roof over our heads and a bed to sleep in.

The months went by and my life seemed to be on track. I had a steady job, a home, my transport and a great boyfriend. But I still had that longing in my heart. That longing for something more. For travel, for education, the experience of a new country. I would often day dream about lochs of Scotland, the sites of London, and the welcoming beauty of Ireland

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